I am not really a person that enjoys ranting publicly and this is by no means anything like that. But certain events throughout my day (good and bad) has led me to dwell on an interesting meditation. I don’t enjoy dwelling too much into the past or the future. I find neither relevant to my daily actions but all too relevant to the choices that I make by the second. That’s what led me to share this thought with all of you beautiful minds here. Note that I try not to use words that are too big for my fragile ego, I write as though I feel. SIMPLE AND STUPID. Here it goes:
My past has nothing unique about itself, there is not a single big moment of revelation or inspiration. Nothing special that made me “THE MAN” I am today. On the contrary, it was a good mix of benign tragedy and art in the form of music. But somehow in the middle of all that, I accumulated some not so rad skills. Let me me give you some examples of these skills I am talking about, I absolutely despise vague communication as I’d rather NOT TALK at that point. One of these skills is my ability to speak and think with a level of clarity that is not all too common anymore. Another one of these skills, is the language English. The first skill came to be as the net-effect of all things I did not want to experience as a kid, please take a second to recognize the irony in that. The later greater skill of English was a gift from either my lovely parents or the Great British Empire, even though I really did not ask for this gift at that time. Sleeping in and waking up to practice cricket with my dear brother always sounded like a better plan than the cold steel benches of the mighty Sunnydale School. In any case, little did I know that this titanic global economy was going to arbitrarily decide that people who fall in the intersection of these two skills will be rewarded ever so heftily. There you go, I accidentally harnessed skills that I did not even want but now that I have them. I LOVE THEM. It’s great for me because I can have a great job, a luxurious life, hot girls to spend money on, and pretty much anything money can buy. But I also paid the price for those skills, mostly in the form of countless hours of practice, psycho-biological endurance, and discipline. NOTHING IS FREE, right? I know the opportunity cost of these skills, so I chose to invest most of myself (resources) in better and productive ways. I love dedicating myself in the form of time, energy, money into projects that are monstrous in nature. Anyone with access to Khan Academy and Lynda can learn everything I have learned from being in Academia. But lately, I have come to the bitter realization that people do not enjoy the nature of “work” itself. I am not saying that everybody hates putting their greatest efforts towards productive causes, I believe the contrary actually. I think the greatest gift from our creator, IS CREATION ITSELF and not in any abstract metaphysical notion. I mean I can build a fence from a tree, a farm from a seed, or decide to start a business that will save millions of lives in the future, but the point I am trying to illustrate is that I GET TO MAKE THAT DECISION EVERYDAY! I do not take the practical implication of my skills lightly, I do not want to recreate a Peter Parker and Dead Uncle scene here. I pride myself in taking responsibility for both my actions and inaction, it is solely on me and no other being in the known universe ever shares my part of the burden. I like to keep it that way. But today, I found myself in a questionable situation regarding a project that is important to me. For the first time in a very long time, I felt inadequate/incapable. Not because I did something wrong or anyone else involved was at fault. The situation arose from my inability to convey my vision to the rest of my team in a way that made sense to them. But I find myself asking, should I take the lion’s share of the blame? Would I? Even when the limitation is not rooting from me?!? What do I do when the project is a success? Should I claim majority of its riches? Today, I told myself that it’d better be me than anyone else because I have mastered the dark arts of “suffering in silence without making too much noise”. In the process of all this, I was scared that I will lose my compassion for Creation, People, and Love. But then I pondered, How do I ever find something if I don’t lose it?
Project Hellscape 